The summer before sixth grade, my friend Lou and I discovered an empty lot with an abandoned dock on the lake in her neighborhood in Columbia, South Carolina.
It was always magical there. We only went in the late afternoon to avoid the heat, when the light was sliding into evening and the cicadas and frogs were buzzing.We’d sit on the dock eating candy and drinking slushees for hours.
Those are some of my favorite summer memories from elementary and middle school. My parents gave me a long leash as a kid, provided I was home before the streetlamps turned on.
I walked long distances, especially in the summer when I had more time. I’d wander down to the neighborhood drugstore for gummy candies, or all the way to a main shopping street to try on clothes I couldn’t afford. I’d walk to restaurants, coffee shops and far-flung friends’ houses. It was fun, and it taught me how to be on my own in the world, in its own small way.
But I was a rare free-range child among my peers. Dozens of kids my age lived in the neighborhood, but only three were allowed to walk to my house to ask if I wanted to play when we were in elementary school. The other parents didn’t let their kids go off in the neighborhood on their own.
Instead, they called my mom to set up playdates in what felt like the far-off future. I appreciate how much effort and organization that took, but when you’re a little kid, the desire to play was immediate. It was frustrating.
When I visited friends in the Netherlands in March, the Dutch kids I encountered reminded me of my own childhood roaming my neighborhood. I was staying in Haarlem, a small storybook city outside of Amsterdam, with Tracy, a family friend and American expat now living in the Netherlands. Her three kids were born there and are being raised Dutch. They were always in and out of the apartment, headed to school, restaurants and friends’ houses.
These kinds of comings and goings aren’t unique to their family. Many Dutch children enjoy a freedom of movement that most American kids don’t, which might be the key to why Dutch kids are the happiest kids in the world, according to a2025 UNICEF report. The agency measured childhood well-being in 43 countries that are members of the European Union and/or the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. The US was not fully ranked in mental health because researchers were missing relevant data.
Even without a definitive mental health ranking for American children, I still think Dutch kids are far happier than American kids like me. Articles discussing the report offer lots of different answers as to why this happiness gap exists: better health care, high-trustculture, less pressure to excel academically. But when I asked parents and children in the Netherlands why they thought their children were so happy, they all had one answer: Dutch parents value giving their children independence, possibly above all else.
American parents say they value independence, too.
Nearly three-quarters of American parents with children ages 5 to 8 say “they make it a point to have their child do things themselves, when possible,” according to the 2023 C.S. Mott Children’s HospitalNational Pollon Children’s Health. The poll also found that among parents of children ages 9 to 11, “84% agree that children benefit from having free time without adult supervision.”
So, if both American and Dutch parents value independence, why do Dutch kids seem so much happier? I wonder if the key difference lies in how both sets of parents understand what freedom for kids looks like.
“Dutch parenting is all about raising self-sufficient kids,” Tracy told me. “My older two (ages 12 and 14) bike more than 10 kilometers (6 miles) daily to school since there are no school buses.
“If a teacher cancels a class, students just have free time instead of a substitute. My 14-year-old had two canceled classes this morning and simply stayed home until noon. This would be a logistical nightmare for schools and parents if we didn’t just expect our kids to sort it out.”
Dutch parenting, according to the close to a dozen parents in the Netherlands I spoke with, emphasizes allowing children a freedom of movement that many American kids don’t have. When I was in Haarlem and Amsterdam, bikes and little kids on bikes were everywhere.
Dutch kids get bicycles at an early age, Tracy told me, and that gives them the ability to move around their towns and cities by themselves. I also saw plenty of kids walking with their friends to stores and restaurants. Generally speaking, Dutch children and teens are allowed to move freely through the world.
Most American kids don’t have anything close to this degree of freedom. Only 33% of American children between the ages of 9 and 11 are allowed to bike or walk to a friend’s house alone, according to the Mott survey. One-half are allowed to find an item at a store while a parent is in another aisle, and 15% may trick-or-treat with friends on their own. They cannot move through the world without their parents there.
There may be many reasons why American parents are limiting their kids’ physical independence, but the main reason seems to beconcern forchildren’s safety.
American parents are afraid for their children’s well-being, and that makes them anxious. In fact, 40% of parents report being extremely worried about their children struggling with depression or anxiety, and 36% report being “somewhat” concerned, according to a2023 Pew Research Center surveyof American parenting. More than 4 in 10 parents describe themselves as overprotective, the survey noted. That may be why they limit their child’s freedom of movement.
That lack of freedom of movement might be undermining what parents say they actually want for their children: well-being. After all, don’t parents protect their kids so they’ll be happy and healthy?
A team of researchers concluded in a2023 studythat “a primary cause of the rise in mental disorders is a decline over decades in opportunities for children and teens to play, roam, and engage in other activities independent of direct oversight and control by adults.”
The study’s researchers argue that independent activity in adolescents leads to the well-being that parents want. Independent activities require young people to make their own decisions and find their own solutions, leading to the development of a strong “internal locus of control,” the researchers noted.
That locus refers to a person’s tendency to believe they have control over their life and can solve problems as they arise. A weak internal locus of control, stemming from less independence in adolescence, often leads to anxiety or depression.
My high school classmate Cal commented on this anxiety once when we were talking about how Gen Z apparently parties less. “People are too scared for their kids to go and do stuff, and I think, as a result (we) as a generation are too scared to do stuff now.”
I’m not a parent, and I’m not trying to tell anyone how to raise their children. But I did just graduate from high school, so I know what modern childhood is like. I remember how wonderful and rare it was being able to wander in elementary and middle school, so I hope my perspective might be helpful to some anxious parents.
This summer, consider letting your kids walk to the neighborhood park without you. Or give them money to buy an ice cream cone without your supervision. Encourage them to invite a friend. Let them have some physical freedom, and the memories that come with it.