When Jerry Groff’s 14-year-old daughter Sarah told him she wanted to swim across a 9-mile lake one Sunday morning, he could have responded in several ways: This idea is crazy — and even dangerous. You should practice swimming more first. We already have other plans. Instead, Jerry and his son boated next to Sarah as she swam. And Jerry’s wife, brother and sister-in-law drove along the lake in case Sarah needed a ride home, Susan Dominus wrote in her just-released book, “The Family Dynamic: A Journey Into the Mystery of Sibling Success.” Sarah ended up swimming the whole lake and setting a town record that day. Today, Sarah True is a two-time Olympian and professional athlete. Her brother, Adam Groff, is a successful entrepreneur. And her sister, Lauren Groff, is an acclaimed novelist. Having parents who fostered their independence was a common theme among people who have grown up to make outsize achievements, according to Dominus, a New York Times Magazine staff writer who interviewed six families for the book. These parents “were not afraid to let their kids fail at something that seemed really hard,” she said. “They let their kids make their choices, even if they knew those choices would be difficult.” It’s just one of the lessons parents and guardians can take from her research into raising successful kids. Don’t coach the coach — or even your kids While the parents Dominus profiled generally supported their kids’ dreams, they didn’t micromanage their children’s progress. “In not one of these families were the parents overly involved in their kids’ educational lives,” she said. “They were paying attention, they were supportive, they were there.” But when they showed up for their kids’ games, they didn’t try to tell the coaches how to do their jobs. Instead, Dominus said, parents focused largely on providing warm, supportive homes and let people like teachers, coaches and other mentors handle the instruction and discipline of their children. Lead by example In part, adults didn’t “overparent” because they themselves were busy serving as powerful examples, working hard and contributing to their communities. Generally, whether they worked outside or inside the home, they “were in roles that they felt were meaningful,” Dominus said. While she was raising her children in Florida in the 1950s, another parent, Millicent Holifield, persuaded the state to create a nursing school for Black women. One of her children, Marilyn Holifield, chose to be one of the first students to desegregate her high school in the early ’60s and went on to become a local civic leader and the first Black woman partner at a major law firm in Florida. As a Harvard Law School student, Millicent’s son Bishop fought for changes to promote racial equity at the school and later convinced the state of Florida to reopen the Florida A&M University law school so more Black lawyers could be trained. Another son, Ed, became a cardiologist and public health advocate. These driven parents imparted the belief that their kids could conquer the world, too. “There was a tremendous optimism among so many of these families,” Dominus said. “It’s one thing just to say that. But your kids know if you feel it or if you don’t, and their own lives had given them reason for optimism.” That’s because many of those parents had overcome difficult things “or surprised themselves or surprised even societal expectations.” Another common theme was valuing education and being curious and open to new experiences, like travel, art and music. Find the right villages To have those experiences, the parents of ultra-successful siblings needed to find the right places and people. They tended to have supportive villages — literally and figuratively. “They didn’t just live in neighborhoods that offered a lot of enrichment,” Dominus said. “They took great advantage of it.” The Holifields lived near a university in Tallahassee and made the most of it by taking their kids to local cultural events and enrolling them in art lessons, a children’s theater and a journalism workshop. Other parents worked to connect their kids to successful people who could teach them skills. Ying Chen immigrated to the United States from China, worked seven days a week in her family’s restaurant and wasn’t fluent in English, but she cultivated relationships with accomplished local musicians she met so her children could learn to play instruments. Her son Yi became the fifth employee at Toast, a restaurant management business that went public with the biggest IPO in Boston’s history. Chen’s son Gang joined another notable startup, Speak, which uses AI to help people learn languages. Her daughter, Elizabeth, became a physician. And her son Devon went on to work for Amazon. Talk about the downsides of success Of course, we don’t all need to raise CEOs or Olympic athletes. People who pour so much energy into one pursuit often have less time to invest in other aspects of their lives, Dominus found in her research for the book. “To achieve really great things requires sacrifice — and that can be in love. It can be in quality of relationships. It can be in peace of mind, it can be in downtime, it can be in reflection,” she said. If kids set hugely ambitious goals for themselves, it’s a good idea to “remind them that there are costs associated with it.” Don’t sweat the smaller stuff Parents or guardians often worry about whether they’re making the right decisions about things like whether to co-sleep or punish kids, but Dominus said “these variations, it turns out, have less effect on things like personality and other kinds of outcomes than we really imagined that they do.” Instead, focus on having strong relationships with your children and, most important, Dominus said, “don’t demotivate your kid by being overly involved.” The parents Dominus profiled were the kind who didn’t tell their kids they had to swim a lake but let them give it a shot when they wanted to — and were there to love and support them regardless of whether they failed or set a record. Get inspired by a weekly roundup on living well, made simple. 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Parents of ultra-successful kids do these things
TruthLens AI Suggested Headline:
"Key Parenting Strategies of Families Raising High Achievers"
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TruthLens AI Summary
In her recently published book, "The Family Dynamic: A Journey Into the Mystery of Sibling Success," Susan Dominus explores the parenting styles of families that have raised exceptionally successful children. Dominus shares the story of Jerry Groff and his daughter Sarah, who, at just 14 years old, decided to swim across a 9-mile lake. Rather than dismissing her ambitious goal as impractical or dangerous, Jerry and his family provided unwavering support, with family members accompanying her on the water and along the shore. This nurturing environment allowed Sarah to not only complete the swim but also to eventually become a two-time Olympian. Dominus highlights that a common factor among the families she studied was the ability of parents to foster independence, allowing their children to face challenges and learn from failures without micromanaging their journeys. This approach instilled a sense of confidence and resilience in the children, who went on to achieve remarkable accomplishments in various fields, including athletics, business, and literature.
Additionally, the book emphasizes the importance of providing a supportive community and enriching experiences for children. Parents like Millicent Holifield, who advocated for educational opportunities for Black women in the 1950s, inspired her children to pursue significant achievements, including desegregating schools and leading in professional environments. Dominus notes that these parents often modeled hard work and optimism, allowing their children to believe in their potential. Moreover, the families she interviewed valued education and actively sought out opportunities for their children, such as cultural events and mentorships. However, Dominus also cautions that the pursuit of success can come with sacrifices, including potential impacts on personal relationships and well-being. Ultimately, she encourages parents to focus on building strong relationships with their children and to support their ambitions without overwhelming them, illustrating that the right balance of guidance and freedom can empower children to reach their goals while maintaining their happiness and health.
TruthLens AI Analysis
The article presents an exploration of the parenting styles that contribute to the success of children, using specific examples to illustrate its points. It emphasizes the importance of fostering independence and allowing children to pursue their passions without excessive parental interference. The narrative suggests that such approaches can lead to remarkable achievements.
Parental Involvement and Independence
The article highlights the idea that successful parents support their children's ambitions without micromanaging them. The story of Sarah Groff serves as a compelling example of how parents can encourage their children to take risks and challenge themselves. By allowing Sarah to swim across a lake, her parents demonstrated trust in her abilities, which ultimately led to her success as an Olympian. This notion resonates with the broader theme that parental support should not equate to constant oversight.
Lessons for Modern Parenting
Another significant takeaway is the shift in parenting paradigms suggested by the article. It argues that parents should focus on creating a nurturing environment while letting educators and coaches guide their children's development. This approach contrasts with the increasing trend of hyper-involvement in children's lives, advocating instead for a balance between support and independence.
Perception and Societal Impact
The article aims to influence societal perceptions of parenting, promoting a model that emphasizes trust and autonomy. By showcasing successful individuals who benefited from this style of parenting, it encourages parents to reflect on their own practices. The underlying message is that fostering independence can lead to higher achievements, which may shift community norms regarding child-rearing.
Trustworthiness of the Content
This article appears well-researched and grounded in real-life examples, making it relatively trustworthy. However, it also selectively highlights cases of success, which may not represent the broader population's experiences. While it effectively communicates its message, it might inadvertently downplay the complexities of parenting and individual circumstances.
Connections to Broader Narratives
In the context of current discussions around education and child development, this article aligns with a growing movement advocating for less structured and more experiential learning environments. It may also connect to larger societal trends that prioritize mental health and emotional well-being in children.
Community Reception
The insights shared are likely to resonate more with progressive parenting communities that value independence and self-directed growth. These ideas may attract support from groups advocating for educational reform and holistic approaches to child development.
Economic and Political Implications
While it may not have a direct impact on stock markets or global economic conditions, the article's messages about education and parenting can influence consumer behaviors regarding educational products and services. Companies that align with these values may see increased demand, reflecting a shift in parenting priorities.
AI Influence on the Narrative
The article does not explicitly indicate the use of AI in its writing. However, it is possible that AI-assisted tools were employed for research or content organization. The structured presentation and coherent narrative flow suggest a level of editorial refinement that could benefit from AI assistance.
Manipulative Elements
Although the article does not overtly manipulate readers, it does present a somewhat idealized view of parenting success, which could lead to unrealistic expectations for parents. The language used is generally positive and encouraging, aiming to inspire rather than create alarm.
In summary, the article is primarily a discussion of effective parenting strategies that nurture independence and support children's ambitions. Its insights are valuable, though they may not universally apply to all families.