McIntosh ditches retirement plan to erase Olympic demons

Seonaid McIntosh (centre) had been expecting to medal in Paris "I think it's probably the biggest disappointment I have ever had to deal with in my life." Seonaid McIntosh still carries the scars with her from two failed attempts to live up to her world number one ranking at the Olympics. They are not visible. But, after reversing her plan to retire after Paris 2024, she knows there is a chance they may never heal despite targeting a third attempt to medal in Los Angeles. "I may get to the firing point and realise that I have not got over it all and I have just suppressed it all for a third time," the 29-year-old Scottish shooter told BBC Scotland. Big things have been expected of McIntosh at the Olympics since she won the 50m prone rifle world title in 2018 and the World Cup final the following year. World Cup and European titles have followed, but returning empty handed from Paris after failing to reach the final in any of the three disciplines she contested still rankles. "I think most of it is out of my system, there is always going to be a little bit that stays," McIntosh said. "It felt like that was the second time it had happened – it all conspired against me for Tokyo [Olympics in 2021] and the same thing happened for Paris, so that disappointment was, I think, doubled almost because of that. "I am not sure if I am completely over it yet. We will find out when I go back to training, or even when we get to LA." McIntosh revealed that, prior to Paris "I was absolutely adamant I was going to retire" after it, regardless of how she got on. Amid her despair in France, a chat with her partner prompted a change of heart and the decision to have another go at trying to turn her Olympic medal dreams into reality. "He turned to me and he said 'I know this isn't necessarily the right time for this, and obviously take time to make the decision, but if you want to go back for another games, given everything that has just happened, I will totally understand and I will 100% support you'," she recalled. "I was then like 'I don't think I could give it up at this point given what has just happened, I think I have to try again', because that was twice in a row I had got to the games as world number one and fluffed it up or something has happened. "Even for my own sanity, I couldn't retire at this point in time and then be content with what has happened." McIntosh has still to return to training, although she hopes to do so in September, after two lots of surgery - to deal with a troublesome hip injury and a problem with her jaw. With rheumatoid arthritis and Chron's disease, the Edinburgh shooter is well used to dealing with physical issues. As she targets Los Angeles 2028, she admits finding a way of dealing with what affected her in each of the last two Olympics could be the biggest challenge. "So now that it has happened twice, I have that worry, is this a pattern? Is it going to happen a third time?" she said. "I think this three years up until LA is going to be really different for me because I think I am going to have that fight with myself constantly. "I think I am going to have that in the back of my head yapping at me being like, even if you go into this last one being the best you have ever been, and being world number one again, you are going to have a crisis of confidence when you get there and it is not going to matter." McIntosh does have time on her side with the qualification window for the LA games not opening until near the end of next year. "Obviously I am going to be a wee bit rusty when I go back, but I think, technically, I am still one of the best shooters in the world," she added. "I think the bit that is going to separate me is trying to figure out that psychology side of things. "That is going to be theme for the next few years - either quietening that little voice or getting it to say something else I suppose."