If you want to demonstrate your fealty to Donald Trump through the medium of branded merchandise (and who doesn’t?) there are ample ways to do so. You can pick up a Trump bible and some of Melania’s lovely “Vote Freedom” jewellery. You can stay in one of his hotels, golf in his resorts, and get yourself aTrump watch. You can buy some of the Trump-branded cryptocurrency that has made the familyextremely rich. You can also, as announced on Monday, buy a gold Trump smartphone for just $499 and useTrump mobile as your service providerfor $47.45.
I know what you’re thinking. All this is wonderful, but where are the Trump-branded home goods? How can I demonstrate my loyalty to the president while cooking stew in my kitchen? Well, I have great news. Because capitalism is relentless, the Instant Pot brand is coming out with a Trump-inspired design. (Instant Pot, if you’re not familiar, is a pressure cooker thatgained a cult-likefollowing several years ago, then went on adownward spiralwhen it was bought by a private equity firm.) The company isapparently planningvarious products emblazoned with “Make America Great Again”.
According toSemafor, a portion of the profits of the Instant Pot collaboration will be donated to the “Trump Presidential Library”. At least two other home goods companies are also reportedly planning Trump-related releases, with profits being donated to Trump’s library. These include a tableware and collectible items company that has proposed plates with Trump’s face on them. Another company is thinking about a “Mar-a-Lago” and “White House” sheets collection. So you can really get into bed with the government.
It doesn’t end here, does it? I imagine product development teams across the US are in brainstorming mode right now and we can look forward to more Trump-adjacent products with profits donated to Maga causes. Perhaps some enterprising confectionery company will come out withICEcream: with every purchase going towards deporting an immigrant. Supplement companies could start sellingred pills. If Elon Musk gets back in Trump’s good books, perhaps we’ll get Musk-branded contraception: guaranteed to never work, to help his pro-natalist plans. And, consideringTrump’s purported nickname(“Trump Always Chickens Out” or Taco), Taco Bell surely has scope to get in on the action.
Arwa Mahdawi is a Guardian columnist.