What’s worse than being ghosted? Dating a ‘submariner’

TruthLens AI Suggested Headline:

"Understanding 'Submarining': A New Trend in Toxic Dating Behavior"

What’s worse than being ghosted? Dating a ‘submariner’ analysis cover image The Guardian 7.0
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Original Article Source: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jun/03/worse-than-being-ghosted-dating-submariner
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AI Analysis Average Score: 7.0
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TruthLens AI Summary

The term 'submarining' has emerged in the dating lexicon as a troubling trend that goes beyond the familiar concept of ghosting. While ghosting involves someone abruptly disappearing from a romantic relationship without explanation, submarining adds a twist by allowing that person to resurface later as if nothing happened. This behavior can be particularly distressing for those on the receiving end, who might initially feel relieved by the return of their partner. However, experts like Gigi Engle, a sex coach, suggest that this pattern often stems from the submariner's insecurities and need for validation rather than genuine interest in the other person. Instead of expressing care, the submariner typically seeks companionship when feeling lonely, indicating that their intentions may not be sincere or stable in the long run.

Wendy Walsh, a psychology professor, further elaborates on the mindset of submariners, describing them as individuals who desire intimacy but are frightened by the vulnerability it entails. This behavior can create a confusing dynamic for their partners, who may interpret the resurfacing as a sign of interest. In reality, it usually signals that the submariner is simply looking for someone to fill the void in their life temporarily. To navigate interactions with submariners, experts recommend recognizing the red flags associated with this behavior and maintaining healthy boundaries. Engle emphasizes that anyone genuinely interested in a relationship would not engage in such disappearing acts, suggesting that the best course of action is to avoid engaging with submariners altogether, thereby protecting oneself from the emotional turmoil that such relationships can bring.

TruthLens AI Analysis

The article explores a new dating term called "submarining," which is defined as a situation where someone disappears from a relationship but later resurfaces without addressing the absence. This concept builds upon the well-known phenomenon of ghosting, presenting a more complex emotional dynamic in modern dating. By introducing submarining, the article sheds light on the insecurities and behavioral patterns associated with this type of interaction.

Cultural Commentary on Dating Trends

The emergence of the term submarining reflects shifts in contemporary dating culture, where emotional availability and communication are often lacking. The article taps into the frustrations many people experience in the dating world, suggesting that submariners may seek validation without genuine commitment. This commentary resonates with readers who are navigating the complexities of dating, particularly in an age dominated by technology and fleeting connections.

Perception and Implications

By discussing submarining, the article aims to raise awareness about unhealthy dating behaviors, encouraging individuals to recognize red flags in their relationships. This could foster a more informed dating community, where people prioritize emotional honesty and mutual respect. The emphasis on avoiding submariners serves as a cautionary message to readers, promoting healthier interpersonal dynamics.

Manipulation and Emotional Impact

While the article is primarily informative, it may also carry an underlying manipulative tone by framing submarining as a significant threat to emotional well-being. The language used suggests that engaging with submariners is not just unwise but potentially harmful, which could evoke feelings of fear or anxiety in the audience. This framing might be seen as an attempt to mobilize readers against certain dating behaviors, reinforcing a specific narrative around relationship dynamics.

Comparison with Other Trends

The discussion of submarining connects with broader themes in dating and relationship articles, such as ghosting, breadcrumbing, and love bombing. These terms illustrate the evolving lexicon of modern dating, which often highlights problematic behaviors. By situating submarining within this context, the article aligns itself with ongoing conversations about the challenges of finding meaningful connections in a digital age.

Trustworthiness of the Article

The article appears to be reliable in its definitions and insights, drawing on expert opinions from sex coaches and psychology professors. However, the emotional weight of the narrative and the potential for exaggeration regarding the repercussions of submarining may impact its overall objectivity. While it serves as a useful guide, readers should approach it with a critical mindset, balancing its warnings against personal experiences and broader dating contexts.

This analysis reflects the article's multifaceted approach to a contemporary dating issue, combining cultural commentary with psychological insights while also navigating the potential for emotional manipulation.

Unanalyzed Article Content

Source URL: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jun/03/worse-than-being-ghosted-dating-submariner

Name:Submarining.

Age:The first contraption that could really be called a submarine was built by a Dutchman, Cornelis Drebbel, in 1620 for King James I, and tested on the Thames.

So submarining began in the early 17th century?The old meaning of submarining did.

There’s a new meaningofsubmarining?Hello? Is this past notes? No! It’s pass notes. Up to the minute, on trend, breaking news. Of course there’s a new meaning.

Is it to do withKeir Starmer’s warfare stateand the nuclear deterrent?Nope.

Is it about dating? It’s usually about dating.It’s about dating. Toxic dating.

But it’s notfloodlighting? I remember that one– the oversharing of personal trauma in order to speed up intimacy.Correct. Nor is it throning …

Dating on the loo?Datingsomeone for their social status.

Ew. Go on then, what is this newsubmarining about?You know when you’re dating someone and they suddenly disappear, without telling you why?

Er, hello? Old news! I know that one, everyone does– that’s ghosting!Wait, there’s more. With submarining, they come back again after a period of time and act as if nothing happened. According toVice, it may actually beworsethan ghosting.

I see: they resurface. And why do they do that? Not for air, I’m guessing.Often out of insecurity and boredom, Gigi Engle, a sex coach and author, toldMen’s Healthwhen the term emerged.

Still, it’s nice that they returned.It’s all back on!Hmm, maybe not. “It’s pretty unlikely that it’s because this person actually cares about you,” said Engle. “It’s more likely that they want someone to talk to and make them feel good about themselves.”

Sounds like submariners should be avoided.Indeed. They “often crave intimacy but are terrified of the vulnerability it requires”, Wendy Walsh, a psychology professor,told PureWow. “A submariner wants to put somebody on the back burner so they can reach out to them later when they feel lonely.”

Nobody puts baby on the back burner! And thanks for the warning– that’s now a big red flag.Or, you might say, a nuclear deterrent.

You might. So what is the best way to deal withsubmariners?Back to Engle, who says: “If someone is actually into you, they don’t disappear out of nowhere.”

Got it.Ghost the submariners?Correct. Apart from Sean Connery in The Hunt for Red October.

Do say:“Yeah, long time no speak … Tonight? No, sorry, I’m busy … for ever.”

Don’t say:“Periscope up.”

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Source: The Guardian