This is how we do it: ‘In my 50s I want to be “monogam-ish” – to have to have my cake and eat it’

TruthLens AI Suggested Headline:

"Couple Embraces 'Monogam-ish' Lifestyle to Balance Love and Freedom"

This is how we do it: ‘In my 50s I want to be “monogam-ish” – to have to have my cake and eat it’ analysis cover image The Guardian 6.4
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Original Article Source: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jun/01/this-is-how-we-do-it-in-my-50s-i-want-to-be-monogam-ish-to-have-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it
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AI Analysis Average Score: 6.4
These scores (0-10 scale) are generated by Truthlens AI's analysis, assessing the article's objectivity, accuracy, and transparency. Higher scores indicate better alignment with journalistic standards. Hover over chart points for metric details.

TruthLens AI Summary

The article explores the unconventional relationship dynamics of a couple who have embraced an ethically non-monogamous lifestyle, describing their journey toward establishing a 'monogam-ish' relationship. The author reflects on their early attraction and the initial physical connection with Gavin, which took time to develop. As they navigated the complexities of intimacy, they discovered mutual interests in exploring relationships outside their own. This conversation began with a candid confession about sexual attraction to one of Gavin's ex-partners, leading to an open discussion about bringing in other people into their lives. Building their relationship on trust and respect, they both felt that acknowledging their sexual needs outside the primary relationship could enhance their bond rather than detract from it.

As they matured in their relationship, the couple set up a joint dating profile to explore outside connections, emphasizing the importance of communication and setting boundaries. The author notes that while their sexual activity together occurs less frequently, the thrill of sharing experiences enhances their connection. They recognize the realities of a 20-year age gap, where differing sexual drives are acknowledged, allowing for an open and honest approach to their desires. The author expresses contentment with their arrangement, feeling that it allows for personal freedom while still fostering a loving partnership. The narrative concludes with a reflection on how their relationship has evolved, highlighting the balance between individual desires and shared experiences, ultimately leading to a deeper appreciation for one another.

TruthLens AI Analysis

The article presents a personal narrative about a couple's exploration of a "monogam-ish" relationship, where they embrace ethical non-monogamy as a way to enhance their connection. This story aims to normalize such relationship dynamics, showcasing how mutual trust and communication can lead to deeper intimacy and satisfaction.

Purpose of the Article

The intent behind sharing this story seems to be to challenge traditional views of monogamy. By highlighting a personal experience of non-monogamy that is rooted in trust and mutual agreement, the article seeks to present this lifestyle as a viable and even enriching option for couples. This aligns with a growing trend in society that values individual freedoms and personal choice in romantic relationships.

Societal Perception

The narrative may influence public perception by portraying non-monogamous relationships in a positive light. It suggests that loving relationships can take many forms and that ethical non-monogamy can be a path to greater fulfillment. The author’s candidness about their feelings and experiences may encourage others to consider alternative relationship structures without stigma.

Potential Concealments

While the article is straightforward, it could be argued that it glosses over potential challenges and emotional complexities associated with non-monogamous arrangements. The focus on the positives may lead readers to overlook the potential pitfalls of jealousy, insecurity, or societal disapproval that can accompany such relationships.

Manipulative Elements

There is a subtle manipulation in how the narrative is framed to make non-monogamy appear idyllic. By emphasizing the couple's deep bond and the positive outcomes of their arrangement, the article may inadvertently downplay the difficulties that others might face in similar situations. The language used is affirming and encouraging, which can lead readers to feel that non-monogamy is universally applicable or easy to navigate.

Credibility of the Article

The overall credibility of the article hinges on its anecdotal nature. While personal stories can be powerful, they are inherently subjective and may not reflect broader experiences. The authenticity of the author's voice adds a level of relatability, but it is important to recognize that this is one perspective among many.

Broader Connections

In the context of current societal discussions about relationships, the article ties into larger movements advocating for sexual freedom and the reevaluation of traditional norms. This conversation is increasingly relevant in today’s world, where diverse relationship styles are gaining acceptance.

Community Support

The narrative likely resonates with communities that advocate for sexual freedom, LGBTQ+ groups, and those exploring alternative relationship structures. These communities often seek validation for their experiences, which the article provides.

Impact on Markets and Economics

While the article primarily focuses on personal relationships, it reflects broader cultural shifts that could have implications for various sectors, particularly those related to dating services and relationship counseling. A growing acceptance of non-traditional relationships may influence market demands.

Global Context

The themes addressed in the article reflect ongoing discussions about individual freedom and relationship models across different cultures. The relevance to modern societal issues regarding love, commitment, and personal fulfillment cannot be overstated.

Use of Artificial Intelligence

There is no explicit indication that artificial intelligence was used in the writing of this article. However, if it were generated or influenced by AI, it might have employed models that emphasize positive storytelling and relatable experiences, steering the narrative toward an uplifting conclusion.

In conclusion, the article provides valuable insights into the dynamics of modern relationships, particularly in how they are evolving beyond traditional frameworks. While it presents a compelling case for non-monogamy, it is essential to approach such narratives with a critical eye, recognizing both their strengths and limitations.

Unanalyzed Article Content

Source URL: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jun/01/this-is-how-we-do-it-in-my-50s-i-want-to-be-monogam-ish-to-have-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it

Ever since I was young, I’ve looked up to strong men. I remember being really interested in my gym teacher when I was at school. So when I saw Gavin’s profile on a dating site, I instantly liked the stats. He’s athletic, pays attention to self-care, and right from the get go we found lots to talk about. It was an easy match.

We’re both into kissing and we love passionate embraces, but at the beginning we weren’t connecting very well physically. It took us time to really develop a strong chemistry in bed. And then one day it just clicked, and we’ve never looked back.

There was some sexual frustration in our early years together, and that led us to discover that we were both ethically non-monogamous. It all started when I told him that one of his ex-partners made me a little bit horny. I was apprehensive to tell him because it’s a sensitive topic. But Gavin was receptive. He said, “Well, maybe one day we could explore bringing in other people.”

It took time to build a relationship before we were willing to entertain going elsewhere, but it was a natural progression. It changed the dynamic for the better and brought us closer.

We call it a “monogam-ish” relationship. We got here by mutual trust and respect – the idea that we’re sexual beings and our relationship shouldn’t stop us from exercising those tendencies from time to time.

Gavin’s retired so he has opportunities to meet people online and host them during the day, which I can’t because I’m working. That’s happened a couple of times and I’ve felt a little bit uneasy about it – I was worried about his safety more than anything. But on the flip side, he’s mentioned that the pool starts to shrink the older you get. So if there’s an opportunity, he believes it’s fleeting and has to take it.

Though being engaged sexually with Gavin is paramount to me, we’re not daily sex people – we do it about once a week. Most evenings we tidy up in the kitchen, go to bed and live like an old married couple.

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Despite our age difference, we’re both very sexually active – it’s continued to thrive and grow through our 11 years together. I was more conscious of the generational difference than Jimmy, and we took it very slowly, not wanting to rush into anything. Jimmy had always dated older guys, but this was new territory for me.

We have a very open attitude to sex,  and in about our third year we set up a joint dating profile and began introducing other people into our experience. It was my idea, but Jimmy was very much in favour of trying to meet a third person, with the understanding that if one of us was uncomfortable, that would be the end of it. It took a lot of conversations about what the expectations were and it was a new experience for both of us.

When you hit your 50s, you realise what you really want out of life. For me that was to be happy, to have freedom, to have a loving partner but to not feel restricted. To have my cake and eat it.

As I’m older than Jimmy, I’m not quite as interested in sex. I don’t feel any guilt about that, because if he wanted to have sex with someone else, he could do that. It brings us closer together as we find it exciting to hear about each other’s fun times outside our relationship. Obviously there are people who Jimmy finds attractive and I don’t, and vice versa. He is a very attractive young man and when we’re out you can see people flirt with him. It’s fun to watch and makes me appreciate him and all he has to offer.

We have an active sex life together but I think having sex with outsiders is a realistic expectation of a 20-year age gap. When a person gets older they don’t give up on sex, but a younger person definitely has a higher drive, so to have this freedom keeps it interesting for both of us. It keeps things sexy.

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Source: The Guardian