Our sexual relationship is intertwined with our love for each other. It’s our love language
After my divorce, I had a lot of wild oats to sow. I was interested in exploring the sexual side of myself that had been boxed up and put away during my marriage, the side that had been deprived for such a long time. One of the reasons I was so unhappy is that sex is a basic need and I just wasn’t having it.
Perhaps both Owen and I needed the experience of being in an unfulfilling relationship in order to treasure and value each other the way we do, and to appreciate what it means to be in love. In those early days together we were definitely making up for lost time.
There was a lot of excitement, but there was also guilt because he was still married. We didn’t consummate the relationship until he had separated from his wife, but still, I don’t want to cause harm to people. Our connection grew deep and we quickly realised we are very compatible sexually, not just intellectually and emotionally. Our sexual relationship is intertwined with our love for each other. It’s our love language.
Owen is the first person I’ve wanted to have sex with every day. Even when I’m tired or stressed, I still want to do it, which I had never experienced before.
Eleven years later, things have calmed down a little bit. We were pretty risky in the beginning – we had sex in public places, in car parks and places like that. But the intensity of our sex has never waned.
We often have a quickie – that’s just the nature of our life – and I always have an orgasm. Neither of us are expecting a one-hour lovemaking session. We like to do it every day, but occasionally we miss a day if we’re not feeling well. As I’ve reached my 50s my sleep patterns have shifted, and if he’s awake as well we’ll have sex in the middle of the night.
You have to adapt. I’m at the beginning of menopause, so although I haven’t felt major changes yet, we have adapted by using more lube – which we call foreplay in a bottle.
We used to be very experimental, but as our aches and pains increase with age, we really can’t be that adventurous. These days we’re happy with doggy, missionary and spooning.
If you’re keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate.
We might be tired or stressed, or not have a lot of time, but we still have that need
Even after 11 years, we have sex every day, frequently twice a day. Three times isn’t unusual. We figured out the value of a quickie pretty early on, and most of our sex is quick at this point.
We might be tired or stressed, or not have a lot of time, but we still have that need. It’s no different from when you’re hungry and you grab a sandwich; every meal can’t be a gourmet experience, but you’ve still got to eat. We carry that same philosophy over to our sex life. Not every time we get together is going to be a memorable one for the ages, but you still have that hunger. I want to feel her hands on me, and she wants to feel my hands on her, and know we’re loved.
At one point we were curious about how much we were doing it, so we had a diary and wrote down what happened in the bedroom: date, time, what the circumstances were, and pretty intimate details like positions. That particular year, our third together, we had sex about 800 times. We don’t do that now, but we still probably have sex 400-500 times a year.
I have always been a serial monogamist, but Mariana and I began as an affair. I had been married for 15 years and I wasn’t entirely happy. Like every other relationship I’d had, it started off sexy and passionate, but cooled to the point where sex just wasn’t a big deal. Mariana and I struck up a friendship, and our conversations started getting increasingly intimate. Before long, it was an affair. I left my wife a month later.
At first it was like I was walking out of the desert and into this lush oasis, so I drank as much water as I could, afraid it might dry up. Mariana had been in an unfulfilling marriage before, so we both decided to live by the mantra: if you love someone, don’t you want to have sex with them every day?