In September 2022 my brother was murdered. A couple of months later my relationship of six years broke down. That summer was the darkest period of my adult life. It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and I was self soothing in ways that I’m not proud of. My mental health was spiralling. My morals were out the door and I hardly recognised myself.
By the next April things were turning around. I was seeing a therapist and working on getting my mental and physical health back.
It was around this time I was out partying one night at the gay club, Universal, on Oxford Street in Sydney. I was letting my hair down, having a hell of a time, when the sea of people on the dancefloor parted and saw this beautiful Latino guy. I stopped in my tracks, suddenly, he was all I could see. When we locked eyes for what couldn’t have been for more than a few seconds, it felt like a lifetime.
We chatted later that night and over the coming months got to know each other as friends.
By the springtime romance had blossomed. I was learning more about him and while he was strikingly attractive and extremely fun to be around, on a deeper level I started to realise just how much respect I had for him as a person.
He’d arrived from Colombia six years earlier, without a word of English and no family or friends. What he’d been through before coming to Australia and what he’d achieved since was awe-inspiring to me. This kind of deep admiration certainly wasn’t a hallmark of previous relationships I’d had.
As the year came to end we still weren’t official but we decided to take a holiday to Bali together. On the day we were due to leave I was turned away at the airport thanks to a tiny tear in my passport. We decided Danny should go on without me.
It seemed like the universe was putting the brakes on, but I decided to go home and rebook my ticket. I put on a disguise, went back to the airport and made it through customs. I surprised him in Bali eight hours later. We got our new year’s kiss and cemented ourselves as a couple.
As romantic as that moment was, it was a conversation a few months later that confirmed my love for him absolutely.
One thing that was obvious about Danny right from the start was how compassionate he is. He perceives human frailty in a way most of us can only aspire to. In my own life, I was carrying a lot of anger about my upbringing and the impact my mother’s struggles with alcoholism and addiction had on me. Our relationship was fraught and as much as I loved her, my judgment and disappointment was palpable every time I saw her. It was horrible for everyone.
One day as I complained to Danny about how difficult this all felt for me, how unfair it seemed and how taxing it was, he looked at me warmly and gently asked: “Well how do you think she feels?”
When I asked him to explain, he reminded me to count my blessings and remember what my mother had lost throughout it all. Maybe what your mother needs is your love, not your judgment, he said.
This knocked me for six. It was such a mature, heartfelt, sincere response. I’d never had anyone frame it that way for me. His tender perspective allowed me to see for the first time how much my mum had suffered too. I knew then what I needed to do to shift the patterns we were entrenched in. It changed everything.
The wisdom and kindness he showed in that situation just blew me away. And it was brave of him too, I could have taken it really badly, but in that instant I knew that he was the one. I could see then and there that whatever we faced in life together he would always be there to show empathy, reserve judgment and take me to higher ground.
Anytime I’m faced with a dilemma, he’s the first person I turn to. He’s shown me time and time again how deep his integrity runs and that he has my best interests at heart. I never really had good role models like that around me. So, as much as he’s my partner, more than that, he’s an inspiration too.
Matty Mills is an ambassador forThe Push-Up Challenge, which helps raise awareness of better mental health for Australians. Registrations to join the challenge are open now
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