Takethe Taylor Swift songsoff your Spotify queue, put the ice-cream back in the freezer and hold fire on the angry diary entries: the Liberals and Nationals might not be breaking up after all.
The extraordinary conscious uncoupling of the Liberals and Nationals, their plans to go their separate ways and work on themselves, lasted exactly 48 hours and 30 minutes – the time between 11.45am on Tuesday, when David Littleproud said he needed time to think, and 12.15pm on Thursday, when he told a hastily-convened press conference that he was willing to give things another go.
The announcement seemingly came together on the fly. Some of those involved texted journalists on their way up to the press gallery, advising of an imminent announcement; journalists sprinted through the corridors after advisers slid into their DMs, but many still arrived after the Nationals leader had begun speaking, such was the haste.
In a media scrum, Littleproud maintained his red lines for theCoalitionagreement remained, but that the two were talking again. He called the discussions “pragmatic”, praising Ley for a “leap of faith” and that he would “allow them” - the Liberals - to figure out what was important.
The new deputy Nationals leader Kevin Hogan, had likened the Coalition split to a “relationship breakup” on Tuesday, saying when the two parties “get back together, it will be greater clarity and greater focus from the time that was spent apart”.
So far, clarity and focus has been in short supply this week.
The Liberals and Nationals, the Ross and Rachel of Auspol, are still on a break, but they’re talking about patching things up. It remains … messy.
While Littleproud fiercely maintained “I can trust Sussan and that’s why she took a leap of faith today”, just moments earlier, his senior senator Bridget McKenzie – seen by some as a driving force in the breakup – said she had concerns about trust with the Liberals, after her letter to Michaelia Cash ended up in the media.
“I don’t think that it is in anyone’s interests for those matters to be leaked, because it actually breaches and breaks trust,” McKenzie said.
Both sides are claiming the upper hand and moral high ground: some Nationals claim the Liberals blinked at the negotiating table, while other Liberals say their junior partner looks like a rabble, amateur hour on the big stage.
Whatever the framing, it was clear those involved had finally arrived at the realisation that most politicos had come to shortly around midday on Tuesday: that the already-decimated Coalition was at risk of fading into irrelevance, and the Nationals in their single-and-ready-to-mingle era faced becoming a mere footnote in the 48th parliament.
And all the while, Anthony Albanese’s Labor get clear air to rest up, plan their next three (or more) years in office, and watch from the sidelines, heeding the maxim to never interrupt your opponent when they’re making a mistake. As the Liberals and Nationals’ breakup/reconciliation/relationship counselling session plays out like a bad soap opera, Labor chose the moment to release the proposed parliamentary sitting calendar – the timing a not-so-subtle one-two punch, simultaneously starting a ticking clock for when the Coalition will need to patch up their differences, and showing that the government is getting on with, well, governing.
Liberal sources say Thursday was about compromise and consensus, both sides giving some ground from their earlier fight. Littleproud gave the Liberals more time to have their discussions, and Ley said those discussions would happen a little quicker than had originally been forecast.
That’s a good thing. With Labor in ascendancy with more than 90 seats, and the Liberals and Greens both having new parliamentary leadership teams, there is the need for a strong set of non-government parties to hold Albanese’s team to account.
The lines of dialogue are open, with Liberal meetings to come over the next few days. The public venting, the agonising over whether to take back a wandering partner, the discussion in the group chat of their annoying habits and wacky extended family, will continue.
Everyone expects the bickering exes to get back together – maybe not because they’re an irresistible perfect love match, but because both sides have too much to lose in the divorce.