Nothing says so much about a superyacht or its owner, writes Evan Osnos, as its LOA. The initials stand for “length over all” – or what one aficionado he interviewed calls “phallic sizing”. Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, before he got the idea of sending celebrities like Katy Perry into space, commissioned a $485m yacht called Koru. With its towering masts, the 127 metre-long boat proved too tall to pass beneath Rotterdam’s famous Koningshaven Bridge, and while its manufacturers suggested dismantling the bridge, rather than the yacht, the heroes of that particular story – the Dutch – refused.
I had a similar problem recently. Delivery people couldn’t remove our old fridge because we had, in the interim, narrowed the hall with an understairs cupboard. In that moment, I identified with Bezos. True, as Osnos reports, one well-stocked diesel yacht can produce as much greenhouse gas as 1,500 passenger cars, while my broken fridge produces none, but the parallel remains.
In this droll and timely analysis of extreme wealth, New Yorker staff writer Osnos notes that superyacht demand is outstripping supply. In some countries you have to wait for bread, water or inoculations; in others for giant sea-going vessels. In 1990, there were 66 US billionaires; by2023there were over 700, an increase of more than 1,000%. In the same period, the number of US yachts measuring longer than 76 metres has gone from “less than 10 to more than 170”. Median US hourly wages, in contrast, have risen by just 20%. Maths is not my strong suit, but this suggests inequality is spiralling.
There’s also a spiralling inequality in political power. Trump postures as a president for blue-collar Americans, but the people who shared the stage when he took his oath of office on 20 January tell another story. In that symbolic moment Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Bezos and Sergey Brin showed their influence was rising with their net worth. “The world watched America embrace plutocracy without shame or pretence,” writes Osnos.
Meanwhile, shame and pretence are in plentiful supply elsewhere. One yacht owner tells Osnos: “No one today – except for assholes and ridiculous people – lives on land in what you would call a deep and broad luxe life. Yes, people have nice houses and all of that, but it’s unlikely that the ratio of staff to them is what it is on a boat. Boats are the last place that I think you can get away with it.”
In other words, the modern versions of Hearst Castle and Blenheim Palace are discreetly mobile, able to whisk themselves out of sight at a moment’s notice. It dovetails nicely with a political agenda best articulated by Peter Thiel. The venture capitalist, Osnos reports, gave start-up capital to the Seasteading Institute, which seeks to create floating mini-states – part of his libertarian project to “escape from politics in all its forms”. And, presumably, to “get away with it”.
In any event, it’s not just how big your superyacht is, but what you put inside it. The latest fashions include Imax theatres, ski rooms where guests can suit up for a helicopter trip to a mountaintop, and hospital equipment that enables onboard pathogen tests. That last detail is key: Covid accelerated the desire of the super-rich to get away by any means necessary from, with due respect, plebs like you and me.
The have-yachts seem to be following the Thorstein Veblen playbook. When the economist wrote The Theory of the Leisure Class in 1899, he argued that the power of “conspicuous consumption” involved revelling in showy wastefulness. You’ll be wanting a personal submarine for your yacht, not to mention eel and stingray leather for its upholstery. Osnos lists what can be delivered to your watery fastness: Zabar’s bagels, rare melons from Hokkaido, Dom Pérignon, sex workers. Ocado needs to up its game.
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There’s just one problem. Superyachts are a terrible asset class in that they lose value faster than you can say bonfire of the vanities. “Owning a superyacht is like owning a stack of 10 Van Goghs,” argued the Financial Times, “only you are holding them over your head as you tread water, trying to keep them dry.” But then again, as Veblen understood, maybe that’s part of the point?
The Haves and Have-Yachts: Dispatches on the Ultrarich by Evan Osnos is published by Simon & Schuster (£22). To support the Guardian, order your copy atguardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.