Late-night hosts recappedDonald Trump’s ongoingtour of the Middle Eastand his brazenly corrupt business deals in the region.
On Wednesday’s Late Night,Seth Meyersmocked Donald Trump’s “cartoonishly corrupt” presidency, as he toured Saudi Arabia, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates after signing billions of dollars of real estate and cryptocurrencies deal in the region. “It’s all so brazen that at this point, at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump just started calling his cryptocurrency corrupto-currency” Meyers laughed.
In Riyadh, Trump “slobbered praise” over the country’s leader, Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, but also asked “how do you sleep at night?”
“Leave it to Trump to accidentally say something incredibly damning while trying to give someone a compliment,” said Meyers, imitating Trump speaking to the ruler who ordered the assassination of journalist Jamal Khashoggi in 2018. “This guy can’t sleep at night – some say it’s because he’s always thinking, others say he’s haunted by the atrocities he’s committed. If it’s not the ideas in his head keeping him up, it’s the blood on his hands.”
Meyers also dug into Qatar’s gift of a $400m private jet to Trump, the most valuable gift ever given to a US government by a foreign power. Speaking to reporters on Air Force One, Trump argued that the US “should have the most impressive plane”.
“No, we shouldn’t!” Meyers countered. “We are, as of this taping, still a democracy with the rule of law. The president shouldn’t have a flying gold-plated party palace. Stuff like that is a sign of corruption.
“They have nicer planes because they’re not democracies. They’re royal kingdoms, where they oppress people and use the public’s money to build opulent palaces for their rulers. We don’t do that here.”
On The Late Show,Stephen Colbertalso recapped another day in Trump’s “Mideast All You Can Grift Carnival Cash Cruise”.
In Qatar, Trump’s motorcade was greeted by riders on ceremonial camels and sword dancers. “The Qataris know the way to Trump’s heart: bribes and humps,” Colbert joked.
Trump later praised the camels and the palace’s “perfect marble”.
“The Qataris at this point have got to be shocked at how little it takes to impress him,” Colbert laughed, imagining their thinking – “Why did we give him a whole jet? We could’ve bribed him with a box of Ferrero Rocher.”
Trump later defended his acceptance of the Qatari jet to reporters, arguing that the current Air Force One was “much smaller”, than other countries’ state jets. “It’s much less impressive. I believe we should have the most impressive plane.”
“Yes, it’s so important,” Colbert deadpanned. “Trump should have a big plane. Because Trump definitely does not have a little plane. It’s definitely at least an average American male plane. Plus, a lot of countries say that a smaller plane is actually more comfortable for longer rides …”
“The point is, he definitely doesn’t have a short, stubby tuna-can penis-plane.”
And on the Daily Show, Jordan Klepper had a similar interpretation of Trump’s fixation on plane size. “You sure we’re still talking about planes?” he asked following a clip of Trump comparing the size of Air Force One to planes from Saudi Arabia and Qatar. “Look, we’re on the tarmac next to each other. I know you’re supposed to just look straight ahead, but I took a little peek over there … cockpit was huge, man!”
“Honestly, it’s getting a little embarrassing watching Trump fly around the Middle East getting sword dances and free jets,” Klepper continued. “Is he going to do any actual policy stuff?”
It turns out, yes. Trump announced the cessation of sanctions against Syria to allow the new government, which recently overthrew years of dictatorship, a chance to succeed – but only after they agreed to build a Trump tower in Damascus.
“Good on ya, Syria, whatever it takes,” Klepper joked. “You know what, PBS, maybe you could learn a lesson from this. Instead of whining about Trump cutting children’s programming, have you thought of offering them a Trump tower on Sesame Street?”