'Our dad's a teacher - this is how we deal with revision stress at home'

Exam season is around the corner for GCSE, BTec and A-level students. It's a time of life that is remembered forever, and the run-up to it can bring stress and strain to students and families up and down the country. So how do you get through it, and what can parents and carers to do help? Meet the Jolleys, a family-of-five from Essex. Dad Steve, 48, is head of sixth form at The FitzWimarc school in Rayleigh, where he helped me through my own A-levels back in 2010. Eldest daughter Emma is 19 and studying criminology at Bristol University, but says she found A-level revision overwhelming. Brother Ben, 18, loves maths and physics and says he found studying for his GCSE exams came more easily than for his sister - but he says he's working harder for his A-levels this summer. Then there's younger sister Jess, who's 15. She loves PE and art, and wants to go to basketball college in September after doing her GCSEs. One family, three very different children. So how do they manage exam stress? And does having a teacher as a parent help? "I was very overwhelmed and I didn't want to do it," says Emma, thinking back to her A-level revision last year. She recently got diagnosed with ADHD - attention deficit hyperactivity disorder - which has helped her understand why she found her A-level revision period so difficult. Emma says she sometimes finds it hard to focus until a deadline is drawing closer. "I need the pressure - but I also hate it because I get so stressed and so burnt out so easily," she says. Emma also says she sometimes struggled to get started with revision - even though she wanted to do it - because of how her ADHD affects her ability to start tasks, and organise revision sessions into manageable chunks. "I think there's a lot of shame and guilt, because I thought I was being lazy," she says. "You feel really rubbish about yourself. Then when I get really overwhelmed I get headaches." Emma says her dad helped her to draw up a study plan, and to keep her on track when she didn't want to revise. "I have very strong memories of Emma sitting at this kitchen table crying her eyes out, getting really, really stressed about revision," says dad Steve. "And us kind of saying: 'OK that's fine, you need to take a break. But tomorrow you need to go again'." Developing resilience, digging deep and trying again after a bad day are things Steve says Emma did brilliantly while finding A-level revision overwhelming. "As a parent, you don't want your kids to go through things that upset them," he adds. "But actually where this is concerned, you kind of have to keep going." So what can parents and carers do? Talking about your feelings can be tough, but parenting expert Stevie Goulding, from the charity Young Minds, suggests keeping the lines of communication open all the way through the exam period, and making sure you're ready to listen when they're ready to talk. "Anxiety gets magnified when young people are under further strain and stress," she says. "Really recognise and reflect: 'I've noticed you've not been sleeping or eating as much', speaking observations into existence, and making sure there's a lot of reassurance." There's no escaping it, revision can be really boring. "I absolutely hate just sitting down with a laptop or book and just working," says Ben. "But I think it's the best way for information to get into me." His GCSE results comprised mostly of the top grades of 7s, 8s and 9s. He loves maths and physics - something his sisters find hard to understand. He's sitting A-levels this summer, before taking a year out to decide between an apprenticeship or university. He and older sister Emma both say that doing past papers and applying their revision to the questions has really helped with their study in the past. "If I'm not doing questions to apply it, it just doesn't go in," Ben says. But what works for one student may not work for others, and expert Stevie suggests that thinking creatively about how your child can revise is a good idea - think flashcards, mind maps or even YouTube videos. "I love flash cards - they're so easy and quick," says youngest daughter Jess. "It also means we can get involved as well," adds dad Steve, explaining that parents can help to test their children on them. When we're stressed, it can be tempting to push aside time for fun and relaxation - but it's actually really important in helping us to perform well in exams, Stevie says. "We really need to look after our brains. It's really important to get the balance." For Emma, reading or walks with her mum, dad and their dog Maisie was important time to carve out during A-levels. It's basketball for Jess, who is worried that her current knee injury means she won't be able to play to relax during her GCSE exams. "Now I just come home and nap," she says. She says she's feeling the pressure with her GCSE grades, as not only does she need them for basketball college here, but her dreams of basketball college in the US for university afterwards rely on them too. Their brother Ben enjoys playing on his Xbox with friends, but says he drags himself back downstairs to do work when he realises he has been ignoring his revision a little too long. As a lot of exams rely on memory, expert Stevie says that staying hydrated, eating healthily, exercising, and having time to do the things we love can help us look after our brains. Time with your favourite TV show or even a scroll through TikTok can also help to find that balance. You can't have too much of a good thing. Phones can help us to stay connected to friends and family during tough times, but they can also be distracting. "I have to hide my phone underneath books or behind my laptop," says Emma. "If I see it, I'll just go on it." When asked how she will avoid the distraction of her phone during her GCSE exams, younger sister Jess says she "hasn't worked that one out yet". Dad Steve has offered to take it away - if Jess wants him to - in order to help her focus. "I don't think anyone is going to learn if they're being forced to sit in a room with someone standing over them, or with the threat of: 'We're going to take your phone away,'" he says. "It's tricky." Sometimes it can be tempting to say to people: "Don't worry, it'll be fine." But that can invalidate their feelings, says expert Stevie. "We're all guilty of saying it and it comes often from a very good place," she says. "But for that young person there is a very valid worry there." Instead, she suggests acknowledging the worry, and saying something like: "I can absolutely hear that you are worried, and it's completely natural in exams, but you've put so much time and energy into revision. "You've worked so hard and whatever happens, we'll be here to support you." "I think when things are getting tough, just step away from it," says teacher and dad Steve. "Staying healthy - mentally healthy and physically healthy - has to be the most important thing." When tensions are high at home around revision and exams, arguments may happen. Stevie from Young Minds says that walking away and having a cooling off period is essential. "Once people have cooled down, you can reflect, say that you understand why they are feeling so frustrated, and ask if there's anything you can do to support them." "I think something we'd definitely say as teachers is that it's not a good idea to come out of an exam and stand in a big group of people and hear what everyone else wrote," says Steve. And his daughter Emma agrees. "I just walked out by myself, got my bag and went home," she says. "I was like, 'I'm not ruining this, goodbye!'" "It's just a great feeling of relief after you've done the exam," adds Ben. With exams around the corner, the Jolleys are also keeping an eye on what they have to look forward to after it's all finished. Trips to Malta, Croatia and Magaluf are on the horizon, as well as a school prom. They just need to get through those exams first. Listen to Radio 5 Live's Revision Time Special with Nicky Campbell from 10:00 on Friday, 18 April on BBC Sounds, with tips on how to keep calm when revising. Or for calming music to help you focus this exam season, listen to music streamRadio 3 Unwindon BBC Sounds.