Many thoughts came to mind on seeingElizabeth Hurley’s recent 60th birthday Instagram post, where she is sitting smiling in a meadow, in as she writes, her “birthday suit”. Like, where will this older celebrity nudity arms race end?Jennifer Anistondid a birthday shoot at 40 for GQ; Gwyneth Paltrow posted nudes three years running, culminating in onepainted gold at 50;Amanda Holden posed naked on some rocks (ouch) at 53. Now here’s Hurley. In the era of Martha Stewart (now 83) postingsemi-clad thirst trap pics, I’m half expecting to see Sir David Attenborough mark his 100th with his modesty preserved only by a strategically placed aardvark (though the patriarchy seems to have ensured men don’t feel compelled to do this).
I also found myself thinking: yes, she looks incredible, but it must be such a slog to look that good, and why bother? There are upsides to the terrifying rise of artificial intelligence – surely one of them is being able to celebrate qualifying for a senior railcard by enjoying a cream tea while fully clothed as a robot creates a sexy nude of you to post? Any candid paparazzi shots seeming to contradict this could also be credibly dismissed as AI-generated.
This probably marks me out as a “civilian” – Hurley’s notorious term for normals. She has always demonstrated steely commitment to being a good celebrity soldier (and swimwear brand entrepreneur),once revealingshe moisturises her neck 10 times a day, which is more than I’ve moisturised mine this decade. Herdiet discoursehas, mercifully, moved on from 2012 when she reported eating one meal a day, otherwise surviving on “tiny little snacks … like six raisins”; now she prefers “things grown in Hertfordshire” but still seems briskly clear that looking good is her job and that involves sacrifice.
And speaking of sacrifice, my first, most urgent thought on seeing her bucolic shot was: ants! What about the ants, and midges, and ticks? Never mind eating things grown in Hertfordshire; things in Hertfordshire were surely eating her. I can only salute this truly elite celebrity special forces manoeuvre, and wish her a happy birthday.
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