How long would the tasks we’re putting off actuallytake?TikToker Christi Newrutzenhas gone viral for timing herself completing chores she has been avoiding. “I have been procrastinating on making a dentist’s appointment for three years,” Newrutzen said in one video, viewed 3.6m times (presumably by people like me, ducking their own drudgery) before filming herself doing it in a mere nine minutes.Clearing her shower drainfor the first time ever took only seven (albeit impressively revolting) minutes.
Newrutzen is comfortingly unvarnished and relatable; people have startedthanking herfor inspiring them to tackle the long-neglected corners of their own lives. After a week of algorithmic nudging to watch her, I too felt compelled to try, despite a sense of foreboding. (Surely I have good reasons for letting things fester?)
I started a timer and tried to reply to a long-overdue email from my accountant. I assumed this would be simple, but soon realised it would require me to confront some of the things I loathe the most: password-protected portals, Excel and, worst of all, my bank statements. I hacked away for 38 miserable minutes, just long enough to pass the buck, temporarily, to my husband.
Next, getting a doctor’s appointment to have the weird-looking mole I found in December checked. One perfectly pleasant phone call later, it was booked: nine minutes, 47 seconds. I rewarded myself by tackling a plate of miscellaneous bathroom flotsam I had been looking at, thinking, “I should do something about that” every time I brushed my teeth for the past four years.
However, in a devastating turn of events, during the eight minutes and 50 seconds it took to clear the plate of shame (Thai coins from 2015, tags from long-dead trousers, a bewildering number of screws), my husband had retaliated, lobbing a horrible heap of documents back into my inbox. Some hours later, I also realised I had booked my doctor’s appointment for a day when I would be out of the country and remembered why I started procrastinating in the first place: because chores beget more chores. This stuff will never, ever end, so I might as well watch moreTikTok.
Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist