The first manager my son had, when he was seven, got the parents together and told us how shouting could affect our sons’ development and behaviour, not only as players but as human beings. Usually, I don’t behave so badly. The worst I’ve done is to complain to the referee and I’ve sworn once or twice. But mostly I’ve been civil. There was one time, though, when a game was interrupted because the other team had fielded ineligible nine-year-old players. There was a lot of swearing and shouting from managers and dads. My wife decided enough was enough and took our son from the field to go home. He was the team’s only keeper so without him there was no game and several of the other team’s dads taunted us, shouting: “Are you running?”, “Are you scared?”. My wife ignored them and headed for the exit but one of the dads pushed her. Another guy punched me from behind and I completely lost it and punched back. Both teams were expelled from the tournament.André Pereira Leme Lopes, 53, Brazil
My son was 10, and loved football, though it was starting to get too competitive. He was playing centre forward, and his team were winning. The opposition had a very talented defender who was getting increasingly angry. He committed a couple of bad tackles and was warned by the referee. Then he scythed down my son. I have to admit, the red mist came down and I ran on to the pitch to remonstrate with the offending boy. I only realised what I was doing when I was 10 metres on to the pitch and the other parents started to shout at me to calm down. Fortunately, my son wasn’t hurt. But he was a bit embarrassed by his dad’s behaviour.
I occasionally refereed my son’s games. There was always lots of abuse towards me. The worst occasion was when I awarded a free kick after a foul on my son. One of the dads said: “That’s your son isn’t it, you fucking cheat.” It was the only time I’ve seen my son in tears on a football field. All I could say to the dad was: “Well done, you’ve made a 10-year-old cry, you must be very proud.”Bryan, 64,Shipston-on-Stour, UK
As a coach for 37 years, a referee for 26, and having played (poorly) until age 50, I have had to deal with over-the-top parents many times. I have reported toxic parents and coaches to club officials and Colorado administrators on a number of occasions. My granddaughter plays in an advanced regional league. At a tournament near Salt Lake City, the ex-husband of one of the player’s mothers started arguing with her new husband. Out came the ex’s AR-15 assault weapon. Suddenly, numerous parents from both teams pulled out their own firearms. Families and players in adjoining fields ran for cover, several climbing over fences to escape. Police came, but amazingly, no criminal charges were filed (or shots fired).Robert Weiss, 76, Colorado, US
I run a grassroots football team. I have seen parents trading blows, mothers and fathers. I have footage. I’ve been threatened by dad coaches, grabbing me and threatening to punch me when trying to stop play on a pitch. I’ve been threatened countless times when trying to resolve situations with children playing football.Cole Salewicz, London, UK
I was living in Brussels, watching my 10-year-old son playing in a school match. I overheard a father next to me telling his boy: “Look at their eight – if you get the chance, go in so hard you break his leg.” That was enough for me, no more football for my kids.Giacomo Poma, Parma, Italy
My dad coached my brother’s team in the 80s and was banned for life after punching a referee. His defence: the opposition team were too big to be under 11! (They weren’t.)Emma, Bristol, UK
I was a teenager and our team (Skegby Colts FC) was halfway through an unbeaten season. Everyone wanted to up their game and be the ones to take it from us. We visited a top-league team and they were there for blood, encouraged by an especially vitriolic parental fanbase who became increasing feral and violent. The ref essentially lost control of the game. In the lashing rain and mud, we fought out a 5-4 win against constant abuse, verbal and physical, and cheered on from the sideline. After the final whistle, their parents followed us to the changing room, and our manager decided we had to leave then and there before things got worse. We all jumped into our parents’ cars, soaking wet, covered in mud and terrified. Along with the verbal abuse, rocks were thrown at our cars. It’s the most intimidating atmosphere I’ve ever known at any football match, let alone one I was playing in.Daryll Gregory, Mansfield, UK
My son was playing a Sunday game in Tadcaster, North Yorkshire. He was about 15 and I was on the touchline near halfway. My son received a pass and was blatantly onside and went on to beat the keeper and score. The ref (no linesman) ruled it offside. I went ballistic, shouting that he was onside. The ref came over to speak to me, but I’d lost it and kept arguing. He then produced a red card for me. Clearly, I wasn’t going anywhere and he simply said if you don’t go I’m abandoning the game. I trudged off shamefully. On returning home, my son, with a glint in his eye, told my partner I’d been sent off. I managed to find the ref’s home phone number that afternoon and called him to apologise.Mark, Lincoln, UK
Watching kids football often feels like a tinderbox about to explode. My 13-year-old son has been playing football since he was tiny, and I must have seen just about everything other than physical violence (fortunately). To say it is just the dads who make kids football a misery though is nonsense. One of the worst things I have witnessed was a mother screaming at her 10-year-old son that if he didn’t play better he wouldn’t get his dinner. Effectively, yelling at him that if his team didn’t win she wouldn’t feed him. Pure child abuse. Often the attitude of the parents aligns with the attitude of the club. That mother wasn’t reprimanded by any of the coaches or other parents and the kids had clearly been actively coached to play dirty. They were pinching, scratching and stamping. At the age of 10. It was a draw, so I’m guessing the poor lad probably went hungry.A Haslam, London
People featured in this article responded to aCommunity callout.You can contribute to open calloutshere.
Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in ourletterssection, pleaseclick here.