“Have a tea break while you’re at it” wasLewis Hamilton’s sarcasm-drenched replyto his Ferrari team as they dallied over making a strategy call at the Miami Grand Prix on Sunday. It was the stuff of soap opera, enlivening what was in racing termsa McLaren walkoverat the Hard Rock Stadium.
Broadcasting team radio is one of the best innovations in the modern era of F1 and for all that it is considered a serious tool by drivers and teams, it is always at its best when vituperative or funny. Better still, both at once.
Hamilton acted fast to defuse the situation, making it clear it was all in the heat of the moment and simply a manifestation of his competitive instinct, but it was, nonetheless, insightful and humorous. Admittedly much of the communications between drivers and race engineers can be happily ignored. “Slight graining on the rear left” and any number of variations thereof would leave all but the most enthusiastic rubber fetishists cold; put a mic in Kimi Raikkonen’s hand during his F1 tenure and an almost metaphysical level of entertainment was reached.
“Leave me alone, I know what to do” may be the most succinct encapsulation of the Iceman. But then there was the timeat Bahrain in 2021when his engineer was trying to ascertain whether his radio was working, a two-hander worthy of the boards.
“Can you hear me now?/ No. Negative. I can’t hear you.” And on they went. “You still don’t hear me?/ No, I can’t hear you/You hear me now? / No. Negative.” Before a golden age of The Simpsons pay off: “But you answer still …”
Then there was the exchange in Imola. “Crash just happened in front of me,” Raikkonen informed the team, who replied: “OK Kimi there’s been a crash in sector one.” Just ignore it and focus on the driving perhaps? The Iceman would not let it lie. “Yes I know. I just told you,” he shot back.
Fate it seemed kept setting Raikkonen up for these moments, including the time he was wheeled out from the garagewithout his gloves or even a steering wheeland what began plaintively ratcheted up with every extra phrase. “Steering wheel,” he said. “Gloves and steering wheel. Steering wheel. Hey. Hey. Steering wheel. Somebody tell him to give it to me. Come on! Move!”
Raikkonen and, largely, his time at Ferrari were one of F1’s great double acts. But there have been many other moments. Sebastian Vettel, throwing out double entendres worthy of Finbarr Saunders after something was distracting him in the cockpit . “There’s something loose between my legs,apart from the obvious. Something is flying around my feet. I’d be proud if it was what you think it is, but it’s not.”
Lando Norris has been similarly playful, replying to the enquiry “Lando, what damage do you have?” with: “Hmmm … Talent …” When Jenson Button sat in for Fernando Alonso at Monaco in 2017 he, too, could not resist some lighthearted flippancy. “Hi Jenson, wishing you good luck, you did amazing yesterday, please take care of my car,” was Alonso’s message. To which Button replied. “OK, I am going to pee in your seat.”
Sometimes the messages gain a life of their own and Alonso’s pithy description of his engine at the manufacturers home race in Japan in 2015 will live long in the memory, not least at Honda. “GP2 engine. GP2 engine. Argggh!” was the Spaniard’s meme-worthy assessment.
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There have also been some great understated moments of communication, one of which almost defined an era. At Hungary in 1988 Ross Brawn and Michael Schumacher pulled off a strategic coup against the superior McLarens. Opting for a risky three-stop tactic, Brawn gave Schumacher this direction as he pulled away from his second stop. “Michael, you have 19 laps to pull out 25 seconds. We need 19 qualifying laps from you.”
A typically straightforward, if daunting instruction. And Schumacher’s extraordinarily understated reply? “OK. Thank you.” He proceeded to do just that and more. By the time he pitted for the third time he had not only delivered Brawn’s unlikely demand but had made 29 seconds and with it ensured the win.
Some of it is mundane, some of it fascinating and some simply a window to Raikkonen’s soul. But without doubt since Liberty media took over the sport they have leaned into this resource and F1 is an altogether more human affair for it.