If the football doesn’t work out for him at Real Madrid, Trent Alexander-Arnold can try his luck as a regular panellist on the Spanish version of Just A Minute, a popular BBC Radio 4 comedy show, in which assorted comedians and luvvies are challenged to speak for one minute on a given subject without “hesitation, repetition or deviation”. Football Daily is prepared to concede that – written down like that – it actually sounds really boring, but readers who are unfamiliar with the show will just have to take our word for it when we say the show is actually very funny. Or at least it was when we last listened to it about 25 years ago. Of course there is no Spanish version of Just A Minute, almost certainly because most Spaniards of our acquaintance can speak for up to three hours uninterrupted on any given subject without hesitation, repetition or deviation. But we were certainly impressed when Alexander-Arnold stood behind a lectern in the bowels of the Bernabéu at his unveiling as a Real Madrid player, giving a welcome address of more than 60 seconds in what appeared to be perfectly fluent Spanish without once stuttering, pointing at a beer tap or bellowing “EGG AND CHIPS!!!” at the top of his voice.
Short of clacking a pair of castanets or missing the presentation entirely because it clashed with his siesta, Madrid’s new signing could scarcely have appeared more native, and his command of a language he appears to have been taking lessons in for a while will do little to allay [or should that be olé? – Football Daily Ed] the suspicions of Liverpool fans that he has been plotting his move to the Spanish capital for a very long time. He may even have been listening to Duolingo through his headphones on the team bus to Brighton a month ago. Either that or he’s a very quick learner, because when one hack asked him how long he’d been learning Spanish, Alexander-Arnold smiled and replied “a few months”. The 26-year-old later added that being a Real player is a “dream”, saying: “It is something special, I don’t take it for granted and I am very happy.” During his unveiling, it was also revealed his shirt number will be 12 (as opposed to his favoured 66) because Spanish rules preclude senior squad players from having anything higher than 25 and the nomenclature under which it will appear will be “Trent” because why not?
A big enough signing to merit a presentation but not sogalacticothat he had to live out Football Daily’s recurring fever dream of being tossed a football and forced to do keepy-uppies in the centre-circle of a packed ground, prior to his Spanish masterclass, Trent and his nearest and dearest sat through a montage of his best bits. Featuring performances from Liverpool and England but mainly Liverpool, it included goals, free-kicks, raking 60-yard diagonals,thatcorner to tee up Divock Origi for his Big Cup winner against Barcelona, footage of Luis Díaz kneeling to buff his boot with an imaginary rag and almost as an afterthought … some boring defensive interventions. A showreel that left his mum dabbing her eyes with emotion, it was followed by a lengthy oration speech by Florentino Pérez that had her gazing intently at her phone. “I want you to know that the defining trait of Real Madrid is that, in addition to being great players they are all true Madristas, you will quickly understand what Real Madrid is,” declared their president. At least that’s what we think he said but we might need to check with a fluent Spanish-speaker like Trent.
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9 June:“I haven’t been captain for a year or two. I’ve been wearing the armband for 11 years, and I’ve been playing for the national team for 17. It seemed to me that such matters should be handled differently. Everything was communicated over the phone. It really shouldn’t be like this. The coach betrayed my trust” – Robert Lewandowskirefuses to play for Poland under Michal Probierzafter a row over the international captaincy.
12 June:“I have come to the conclusion that in the current situation the best decision for the good of the national team will be my resignation from the position of coach. Performing this function was the fulfilment of my professional dreams and the greatest honour in my life” – Probierz comes off second best in the power struggleand takes his leave.
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