With more than 80,000 English football fans expected to descend on Bilbao for the Bigger Vase final, it’s safe to assume that approximately half of them will return home in despair, while almost all of them will be seriously out of pocket. But despite its status as a fine location with a proud football heritage, Bilbao doesn’t have the infrastructure to cope with the myriad demands that come with hosting a game between the 16th and 17th best teams in England. With “budget” flights costing well north of a grand and even the most low-rent accommodation priced up at £500-plus a night, one can but hope for the sake of those Spurs andManchester Unitedfans who use plane, train, automobile or boat to arrive in northern Spain for this season-defining match that Bilbao has no shortage of doorways and park benches. Expect plenty to be occupied on Tuesday evening by green-around-the-gills landlubbers who set off on Sunday evening’s Portsmouth ferry, a vessel which docked in Bilbao earlier.
The players and staff of both clubs involved are likely to be feeling similarly queasy before an encounter that would be considerably less stressful if it weren’t for the fact they have to play each other. Having left the acrid, smouldering skips that constitute their respective domestic campaigns behind them for one last shot at redemption at San Mamés, all concerned will be painfully aware of the potentially damaging consequences of defeat. While silverware in the form of Bigger Vase, a place in next season’s Bigger Cup and tens of millions of pounds are on the line, the sheer volume of nationwide and international derision that will be heaped upon all connected with whichever side loses this final is uncontemplatable. After the debacle of Spurs’ and United’s seasons, for either to lose a Bigger Vase final against [insert random mid-table European side here] would hurt but be reasonably tolerable. For either to lose a Bigger Vase final against the other will prompt generational levels of entirely-justified ridicule.
“You can imagine what impact that will have on their lives, their family’s lives, the people who are in their circle,” sighed Ange Postecoglou, who it’s only fair to point out was contemplating the consequences of a Spurs triumph. “It will be something they never forget and it’ll be something that they’ll share with two, three generations of people in their circle. So it doesn’t escape me – the enormity of it.” And in the event of defeat? “You can imagine what impact that will have on their lives, their family’s lives, the people who are in their circle etc, and so on,” he added because sometimes the gags just write themselves. Meanwhile in the United camp, Ange’s opposite number was musing on the quirks of fate that have led to English football’s most high-profile crisis clubs meeting in this winner-takes-all showdown. “I think it will have an impact on the fans – and when I say ‘the fans’ I mean our fans – because they need this win,” roared Ruben Amorim. “They will look at the coach in a different way, because it would mean [Bigger Cup] football. These games have to be won and if you don’t there is nothing left but sadness.” Well, sadness, a sleepless night on a Bilbao bench and a miserable, overpriced journey home to a lifetime of unbridled mockery.
Join Taha Hashim at 8pm BST for updates on Manchester City 2-1 Bournemouth in Kevin De Bruyne’s final home game.
Send letters tothe.boss@theguardian.com.Today’s letter o’ the day winners are … Krishna Moorthy, who wins some Football Weekly merch. We’ll be in touch. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, can be viewedhere.
It’s David Squires on …moving scenes and mind gamesas Crystal Palace win the FA Cup.
This is an extract from our daily football email … Football Daily. To get the full version,just visit this page and follow the instructions.