WhileManchester Unitedended the season trophyless and 15th in the Premier League, they did at least get to join their comparatively triumphant Liverpool, Crystal Palace, Tottenham Hotspur and Newcastle counterparts in having an open-top bus parade. Currently serving club-enforced penance for their shambles of a season on a money-spinning post-season tour of Asia, the players – well, four of them at least – were forced to endure the indignity of being paraded through the streets of Kuala Lumpur on a heavily branded giant red doubledecker with ‘Glory, Glory, Man United’ blaring through its speakers, presumably to try to drum up interest in upwards of 12,000 unsold tickets for their Maybank Challenge Cup match against a scratch Asean All Stars side, scheduled to take place the following day.
With no obvious route mapped out, the roads resolutely unclosed and ne’er a trophy to show off to the largely indifferent pedestrians they passed, it would be fair to say Matthijs De Ligt, Joshua Zirkzee, Ayden Heaven and Patrick Dorgu looked at a loss to know what exactly to do, much as they have all season. In clips Football Daily has seen, the two Dutchmen at least had the good grace to smile and wave half-heartedly at passing commuters. Their younger teammates wore the thousand-yard stares of young recruits upon whom the realisation has dawned that this wasn’t what they signed up for when the United recruiting department pointed a meaty forefinger in their direction and said “Big Sir Jim wants you!”.
Elsewhere in the city, a raft of their teammates were also performing the role of appointed volunteers, seated behind a long table in a sports retail outlet to meet and greet their sizeable Malaysian fanbase. Not long off a 14-hour flight and having been told to find a new club by his manager, Alejandro Garnacho looked as if he would rather defecate in his own hands and clap than sign shirts or pose for selfies with his adoring public. While he stifled yawns, alongside him his older and wiser skipper, Bruno Fernandes, at least made a genuine effort to play the game.
Which is more than can be said for United’s players when they finally got round to lining up against the invitational side assembled to play them at the National Stadium Bukit Jalil. A 72,550-strong crowd, who had not paid good money to watch Unitedlose to the only goal of the gamescored by a player from a side that finished mid-table in the Thai top flight, made no secret of their displeasure after seeing United sunk by Maung Maung Ling’s strike. The crowd barracked the losers, who looked like they would rather be anywhere else. At least the good news for Fernandes, Garnacho and chums is that they are now somewhere else, almost certainly being forced to jump through similarpartnership-friendly hoopsin Hong Kong.
“The boos from the fans, maybe it is something we need because every game that we lost in the Premier League they were always there,” sighed Ruben Amorim after a defeat that while entirely inconsequential, has still managed to be source of much mirth for people of a certain age who never tire of seeing United lose. “We don’t have it in us not to choke in every exercise, in every game – that is what happened. We should win these kind of games, no matter what.”
While the Portuguese’s commendable frankness in the face of each new obstacle his team trips over never ceases to be entertaining, it is surely only a matter of time before his brutal honesty when it comes to discussing his own and his team’s shortcomings results in him talking himself out of a job.
“I was sick of getting the ball and going backwards or sideways. I thought when I next get the ball, I’m just going to go [forward] and it worked” – Cole Palmer,in his inimitable style, explains that apparently the way to completely turn European finals on their head with multiple moments of elite quality, is to go forward towards the opposition’s goal. Coaches and fellow players, take note! “If you saw what Cole did today, it was crazy,” elaborated teammate Tosin Adarabioyo. “He showed bundles of quality to provide both assists. He changed the game, that’s what he does.”
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