(With apologies to Baz Lurhmann… and Baz McCullum)
Wear suncream. If I could offer you only one tip for the next few days, suncream would be it. The long term benefits of suncream have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience on the phenomenon some people call BazBall (and some people don’t.) I will dispense this advice nowEnjoy the power and beauty of this England Test side. Seriously. You will not see a team like this again. FACT.
Trust me, in twenty years you’ll look back at Ben Stokes and his crew and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much of a shot in the arm they’ve provided to Test cricket and to your viewing pleasure. How fabulous, exciting and yes, maddening they really were.
Don’t worry about the future; Australia. The Ashes. The Urn. Or,doworry about Pat Cummins bowling one of those impossibly jagging bail trimmers to Joe Root in December but know that worrying is as effective as trying to learn Mandarin by downing Guinness. The real troubles right now are Jasprit Bumrah, stuttering and scudding, blitzing away Zak Crawley’s Teflon coating like a bullwhip power hose before the Western Terrace have even had their first slip of Tetley’s. The strains ofJerusalemstill wafting over Cardigan Lane.
Do one thing every day that scares youReverse-Ramp.Don’t be reckless with your young spinner; make him feel twelve feet tall despite his county record. Don’t bring mid-on up even when Rishabh Pant is going tonto.Scoop.Don’t waste your time on the naysayers, the doubters ‘the media agenda’, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. Sometimes you’ll declare a bit prematurely, sometimes you’ll collapse in a stinking heap. The race is long, but the summer is short. Five Test’s in seven weeks. You’re entertainers. No more draws. But actually, maybe the odd draw? Only if you really need to, honestly, they’re not so bad.Remember to be where your feet are. Head to the danger. If you succeed in doing this, tell me howKeep your vice-captain at number three. Put Jacob Bethell on ice until you need him.Stay humbleDon’t let Ben Duckett do too much press. Maybe Yashasvi Jaiswal isn’t indebted or inspired by the way you play. Maybe he’s on his own remarkable journey. Be smart. Reign it in a bit. Learn from those mistakes, the ones that got away. Edgbaston, Wellington, The Oval. Hamilton.
Wear your bucket hats. Fine. But don’t bring back ‘The Sprinkler’.Say a prayer for Ben Stokes’ knees. And his hamstrings. We’ll miss them when they’re gone.Maybe this mad lot will go down in history, maybe they won’tMaybe they’ll win the Ashes, they probably won’tMaybe they’ll keep going until 2030, that’d be fun.
Maybe Jack Leach will come back and dive head first into another boundary hoarding? Maybe Chris Woakes will get the kudos he deserves?
Maybe Mark Wood will bowl rockets and Jofra will be back for Lord’s.
Keep your field placings funky. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else’s.Don’t be afraid of pensioning off your record breaking fast bowler. He was the greatest instrument you’ll ever have but maybe the time was right.Switch bails. But only when you really need to. (Ask Stuart)Read the riot act, occasionally you might have to.Understand that teammates come and go, Alex Lees, Moeen Ali, Matthew Potts, Jonny Bairstow, Will Jacks, Rehan Ahmed, Liam Livingstone, Tom Hartley. They’ve all played a part.
Remember Trent Bridge – ‘Don’t you dare try and hit one down’
Remember Rawalpindi, Hyderabad and Old Trafford before the rain.God they were good.Accept certain inalienable truths, Ollie Pope will start skittishly, he’ll also get a ton. Harry Brook will look a million dollars but find a way to get out in the most inexplicably ugly fashion. Stokes will try and bowl eight on the bounce when his dander is up, don’t let him do this. Jamie Smith will launch one out of the ground. Brendon McCullum will sit on a balcony with shades on and trotters up. Inscrutable. Beard tapered as if he’s leading a Cinch sponsored Armada. People will talk about golf.Don’t expect summers like this to come around forever. Changes are needed.Maybe you’ll be thrilled. Maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll be glued to every ball or maybe you’ll dip in and out as life intervenes. You know it’ll be there though, humming away in the background, gripping you at times, leaving you in despair at others. Maybe you’re amazed at the way you need this.
Strap in, buckle up, most of all – enjoy the ride.
But trust me on the suncream. (slip, slap, slop).
Hello and welcome to the first Test match between England and India from Headingley.I’ve just disembarked from the Iron horse at Leeds station and am on the way to the ground. Play begins at 11am and the coin will be flipped at about 10.30am.Please do get in touchif you are tuning in. It promises to be a scorcher, in more ways than one.