Born in Kabul, Maiwand Banayee aspired to become a Talib when he was 16. In 1994, living in a Pakistan refugee camp, there was little to do except sleep, eat, pray and dream of the afterlife: “Islam dominated every aspect of life in Shamshatoo. Even during the volleyball and cricket games the spectators were prevented from clapping because it was seen as un-Islamic.” Banayeejoined the camp’s madrasa when he was 14 in an attempt “to fit in”. The only educational opportunity open to Afghans at that time, the religious school offered structure and purpose, although “instead of teaching us to live, they were teaching us to die”.
In this illuminating book, Banayee, now resident in England, describes the circumstances that led to his indoctrination, and what eventually saved him.Brutalised by conflict, his Pashtun family lived through the Soviet-Afghan war, followed by the period of bitter infighting between warlords. As a child, Banayee saw his neighbourhood torn apart and corpses rotting in the street: “By the winter of 1994, Kabul had turned into a deserted place, as if hit by Armageddon – a place of daily bombardments, looting and arbitrary arrests. The savagery and violence had no limits.” Banayee, his siblings and brother’s family eventually sought refuge in Pakistan, while his parents remained in Kabul with his disabled sister, Gul, fearing she would not survive the journey.
In the refugee camp, Banayee came to see the west as “a world stripped of miracle and wonder” as opposed to one where “ordinary people could obtain miracles directly from God”. Within a year his greatest desire was to take part in jihad.In 1996, following theTalibantakeover of Kabul, Banayee witnessed a “gruesome and medieval” execution ceremony. This experience of intolerance, his growing realisation that Taliban ideology is utterly “tied to seventh-century Saudi Arabia”, and an opportune period of study in a secular institution, changed Banayee. He feels that impressionable boys in camps were “the victims of bad ideas and indoctrination... In a culture riddled with poverty… abstinence and crazed religious fervour, they turned to [radical] Islam for solace.”
Describing the conflict that followed in the wake of September 11 as one where “boots fought sandals, helmets fought turbans and reality fought myth”, Banayee found himself caught between the two warring sides. Despite having renounced his “infatuation with the Taliban”, he writes how he “was on record as having argued with enough people to leave the impression that I was some fanatical Talib”. Fearing for his safety, Banayee managed to escape to Europe, landed in England, and found refuge in Ireland.
The final third ofDelusions of Paradisefollows a more familiar refugee narrative about the struggle for acceptance and the relentless threat of deportation while waiting to be granted status. Banayee taught himself to read and write in English in order to tell his story and his eye-opening observations about the lure of jihadism and unflinching descriptions of his own experiences of radicalisation make compelling reading.
Delusions of Paradise: Escaping the Life of a Taliban Fighterby Maiwand Banayee is published by Icon (£20). To support theGuardianandObserverorder your copy atguardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply